Monthly Archives: June 2019

My Brother, Jeremy

Jeremy Wolff is an astounding human being. For eighteen years, I’ve had a front row seat to watch him grow and mature into the dashing individual he is today. To be quite honest, I don’t think my family was sure we were ever going to get to the point where we are right now. A lot of people told my parents that Jeremy was probably never going to be able to talk in full sentences, let alone graduate from high school. Well, he proved them all wrong, because if you’ve ever had a conversation with him about something he’s passionate about, you know that he has no problem talking anyone and everyone’s ear off.

To give you some background, when my brother was in preschool, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s and ADHD. In today’s modern medical world, Asperger’s now just falls on the Autism Spectrum. According to Autism Speaks, the disorder can be defined as, “a broad range of conditions characterized by challenges with social skills, repetitive behaviors, speech and nonverbal communication.” For the first few years of Jeremy’s verbal communication, he would only mimic what other people said instead of having his own original thoughts to add to conversations. He also had a very hard time putting on weight and was tiny until we discovered how many allergies he had. When we were in stores, we would always make a run for it when we heard a musical baby toy go off because the high pitched noise would make Jeremy cry. These are just a few examples of the obstacles Jeremy has overcome. With the help of many amazing people, especially my mom, he learned to communicate, finally grew, and learned how to cope with the frustrations around him.

We recently celebrated Jeremy’s high school graduation, and I shared two things I had learned from being his big sister. The first is the importance of being willing to slow down. While Jeremy and I are siblings, we are polar opposites. I am the type of person to plan their life three months in advance because I am always on the go. I’m also the kind of person who likes things to be done quickly. With Jeremy, I’ve learned that it’s not only okay but good to slow down for others. Taking an extra ten seconds to further explain something or listen to someone’s excited rant is not the end of the world. In fact, it might open your eyes up to a bigger world around you.

The second lesson I’ve learned is to never judge a book by it’s cover. Yes I know, it’s an old cliche, but it is so true. There are so many times that Jeremy was dismissed for one reason or another, and so many people have missed out on the chance to get to know him. Multiple times over the course of my college experience I have been quick to judge others by their outward appearance and first impression, along with the opinions of others. However, time and time again, when I took the time to slow down and really get to know certain people, I kicked myself for being so quick to judge. There’s a bible verse that Jeremy and I both learned in Awana that says, “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” This was God talking to Samuel, who was trying to figure out which of Jesse’s sons to anoint as the next king of Israel. The most unlikely of the bunch was the one God chose, and the Shepherd David ended up being one of the greatest kings of Israel. Often times we move along with public opinion instead of forming our own. I cannot promise that I’ll never fall into the trap of jumping to a final opinion on a person too quickly ever again. However, from the experience of being Jeremy’s older sister, I can say I am getting better at treating everyone with the same amount of respect as I would like to have.

Jeremy is one funny dude. While he’s not a huge fan of photos, he has made many of our family photos experience quite hilarious. He’s also super passionate about his interests, and because of his love of talking about his favorite things, he does not know a stranger. This man can talk to anyone who knows how to hold a game controller or what an anime is for a good long while without getting tired of sharing his wealth of knowledge with them. If you wanna hear an amazing concert, just hang around our house for a bit, because you’ll end up hearing Jeremy’s amazing pipes from his bedroom. Most of all though, he’s the one boy who has been there through every heartbreak I’ve ever gone through. He’s the one who gives me his rare but blessed hugs when some guy has been dumb. He’s also one of the handful of people that has to approve any romantic relationship I have. If Jeremy approves, then I must have made a decent choice. To tack on, Jay is a total stud and any lady would be lucky to do on a date with this handsome man.

I won’t lie and say Jeremy and I are the best of friends. We bicker every other day and drive each other nuts. I irritate him and he irritates me. At the end of the day though, I know that the boy that lives down the hall from me is one of the biggest blessings God has given me. The hours we’ve spent watching Gravity Falls or quoting the Julian Smith “Hot Cool Aid video” are memories I will treasure forever. Jeremy has overcome so much and I know he will live a full life in the years to come. I am so grateful to have such a smart, funny, good-looking little brother, and I wouldn’t trade him or the lessons he’s taught me for anything in the world. As my mom says often, when you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism. No two cases are ever the same, and no person with autism is just, “that autistic kid.” People are not labels. Never underestimate a person just because they are different from you. You might find you can learn a thing or two from them!

 

Until Next Time,

Abby                   

 

Revisits: Suck More

There’s literally no good way to title this post.

 

With these revisits, I make it a rule for myself to not change anything that I originally wrote in 2017. I started this experiment with myself when I was cleaning out my Google Drive and ran across two documents in which I was pushing myself to write once a day for an entire year. Neither project was completed to the intended goal, but the original drafts serve as a sort of time capsule for myself. Though only two years have passed, I have grown and changed so much. When I first read this entry, I giggled at my past self a lot, but I feel like she had some good stuff to say. So, without further ado, words in bold are 2017 Abby, and italicized words are from 2019 me. Enjoy!

 

January 12, 2017

I need to allow myself to suck more. *Snorts* Okay I’m sorry, I’m sorry, the word choice just makes me chuckle. We as humans learn better through trial and error. In order for there to be “error”, you have to try multiple times. This is quite true. When starting a summer job where I make deliveries for a cafe downtown, I was told to not forget to check the orders to see if they bought potato chips. What did I forget the first time I did deliveries by myself? The chips. You better believe I have not forgotten since, because having to drive back to that office with a bag of chips was not the most fun thing in the world. As a species, we’ve made more advancements to improve our lives through failure. Take Thomas Edison; that guy screwed up so many times until he got something right, and he’s one of the standards for success.

Looking back on the last few years, I have come to the conclusion that I have put myself in a “I-Don’t-Want-To-Suck” bubble, mainly with my writing. When I was in middle school, I wrote a whole novel beginning to end, which was the only time I’ve ever done that. Why? Because that was during a time where I wasn’t pressuring myself to write brilliant things on the first try. That Drawn to Life draft was terrible, but it got done. Tis true. I have a 121 page manuscript still sitting on a flash drive somewhere that needs to get finished one day. It’s almost embarrassing that I’ve only finished one whole story when I’ve been saying almost my whole life that I want to be an author. Ugh, there’s a kick in the pants.

I think my biggest problem is that I want to be original, but so many of my ideas are based off someone else’s work. The kicker is that there is no “original” idea. Frustrating, yet true. It isn’t possible. In one way or another, everything is inspired by something else. As I think more on it, there is a sort of beauty in this. It’s an idea that artists of all medias are collaborating with each other to create new adventures for other people to enjoy. Do I condone straight-up copying someone else’s work? Absolutely not. But don’t beat yourself up because your *insert concept* is similar to someone else’s work.

I started this project in order to get back into the habit of writing. I figured that it was going to be hard, but I didn’t expect it to be this difficult already. Lol you have no idea, Abby. Another reason I think I might have dropped off the writing boat for so long is that it got hard. It wasn’t coming as easily as it once had. Here’s what I actually think happened: I started having higher standards for myself. I didn’t want to settle for anything less than my very best. The thing with drafts though: they aren’t *EVER* going to be your very best. The easy feeling of just writing whatever came into my head was gone. I had started to compare myself to people who had more experience or success and I didn’t match up to them. I have to come the resolution that it’s not a competition with anyone else; I am my own worst enemy. Side bar: this was around the time that I started wondering if I was dealing with depression, but thought that me being tough on myself would fix things.

It’s going to take getting over my pettiness and “woe is me” attitude to actually get some good work done. Tough self-love isn’t always the best route. I’m glad that I decided to take Mr. Warren’s Creative Writing class this semester. Ah Mr. Warren, my first and last professor at community college. He had me in his class when I was 15 and 18; he was a great influence. I think it’s going to help me out an awful lot. Over the past four years, I have learned that when a grade depends on it, I work a lot harder and end up making really great stuff. Other creative people don’t function like this, but I thrive on it. That’s why I’m going to school for art; if I am stuck in a classroom learning a skill vs. having to teach myself, I’m going to gain more progress in the classroom. So, my Myers Briggs personality type is an ESTJ-T, or “The Executive.” The most likely career paths for an ESTJ: law enforcement, upper level business, or military service. Least likely career paths: fine arts. Go figure.

School doesn’t start for another five days though. In that time, I want to start brainstorming and maybe even drafting SOMETHING. Literally anything. I have got to get back in the noveling game. For the past five years, “Write a Manuscript” has been on my New Year’s Resolution list. Now I know, we’ve talked about how I didn’t make a list this year, but maybe since I didn’t make an official list, it’ll actually happen this year. It didn’t, but that’s okay.

But seriously, who knew that this dinky little idea was going to be so hard 12 days into it!  My motivation is lacking; this is becoming more of a chore. Who knows if this is still beneficial? I’ll probably just be writing gibberish by December. Though, with how this week has gone, I’m surprised the last few days weren’t worse than they turned out. Being a hot, sick mess has been a struggle.

Here’s to writing SOMETHING!

 

I quit my 365 project about three months in. Later that year in November, I started writing again, but it was in a much lower level of positivity. About three months after that document was born, it was abandoned as well. That was the last time I had set a goal for myself with writing. Back in the December of 2018 though, I made a promise to myself to blog once a week in 2019. Since that first post on my once ghost town of a blog, I have not missed a week of blogging since. Almost six months of keeping up a writing goal is a big deal for me, and I’m happy to say that I am proud of myself. My advice to anyone who has failed before is this: try again. And again. And again. You never know when that “just one more time” will lead to a major success.

 

Until Next Time,

 

Abby