I Will Never Understand

A week ago I started a draft for this post, which originally was going to be about how social media is killing friendships. In light of all that happened during the last weekend of May 2020 though, I deleted that draft. While it’s something I believe in, I need to be honest as I have been wrestling with various thoughts over the past seven days. 

I will never understand. 

I will never understand why the lines in the sand have been drawn because of different skin colors. 

I will never understand the fear of being shot if I get pulled over by a police officer. 

I will never understand what it’s like to be labeled as a “thug” before even opening my mouth.

I will never understand the fear of waiting to see if my husband will come home after hearing that a black man has been killed on the news. 

I will never understand the struggle. 

I will never understand the hurt fully. 

But I hurt. 

On Sunday, I cried when I talked to Ben about one of the men who is going to be a groomsman in our wedding. His name is Adarius and he is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. He’s kind, caring, loving and very talented. You will never meet a more gentle soul, and despite the fact that he is an amazing human, he has lived in fear because he is black. He and his girlfriend, Jules, have experienced hatred because they don’t have the same skin color. Some will say, “Well, this has been going on for years; some people are just racist.” That doesn’t cut it anymore. The people are done. The camel’s back has broken. 

I don’t know what the answer is. I don’t know who is going about this the “right” way or the “wrong” way. What I do know is this: Jesus loves everyone, but He made a point to emphasize people groups. He loved children. He loved poor people. He loved tax collectors. He loved prostitutes. He loved Jews. He loved Gentiles. He loved people who did not look or think like Him, and He called out the leaders who were oppressing people groups.  In Ephesians 2:14-16, Paul talks about the Jews and the Gentiles coming together and making amends. If we wanna talk about lines in the sand being drawn, the division between the Jews and Gentiles was extremely hostile. But look what Paul writes here: “For he himself [Jesus] is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.” Regardless of whether or not you believe in Jesus, the idea of Him breaking down walls is what we need so desperately now in our world. Erase the lines in the sand. Listen to those who are hurting. Admit when you don’t understand. Ask questions humbly. Be a safe place. 

I am grateful I got to share the stage of Adarius. I’m grateful for his light in my life. I’m grateful that he has been a sounding board for me and Ben and so many other people. I’m grateful for the many WWE nights with him and the boys. I’m grateful for his transparency. I’m grateful for his voice.I’m grateful to know him, and I’m grateful that I know so many other strong, resilient, and passionate black men and women. 

I will never understand, but I will do my best every day to learn. 


Until Next Time, 


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